Why is this so hard…

It used to be easy. Literally was one of the things I enjoyed the most. Sharing my feelings. Building community around them. Finding pictures to illustrate them. Just being open and free.  It almost felt like nobody was looking. Probably because nobody was looking. Well a few people were but they felt like a haven not a gawking crowd of onlookers. 

It doesn’t feel like that anymore. Maybe because my twitter feed is just jokes and my Instagram feed is party flyers I’ve forgotten how to be personal. That’s probably it. My personal life is mine and I don’t like spilling it out unless it’s on a song because in a weird way I feel like nobody is listening so it doesn’t matter what I say.  

This isn’t me looking for sympathy. It’s quite the opposite. It’s me reconciling with the fact that the only place I’m actually unfiltered and honest is in my music. my music still feels like a conversation between friends and at time with a therapist. it’s easier to dress up my feelings with instrumentation than to leave them to linger in black and white for someone to read. 

i’ve run out of steam here. don’t remember what i was talking about and don’t care to read through an edit. so i guess that means it’s time to push post.